Love Lane

Maybe it was a plan, maybe it was fate

It could have been music, or even a chime

But something brought us close together

At the right place, at the right time

You gave yourself to me completely

I was drawn to you in total trust

I was I and you were you

Not once did we have to adjust

We spoke, we laughed and understood

As we put together our dreams and hopes

This was what bound us together

As we became Calvin and Hobbes

When you held my hand tight

I knew this is where I belong

That was when your laughter

Then became my favorite song

I already knew what love was

But you taught me the pleasures of romance

Butterflies came and did their part

And then my heart learnt how to dance

You have given me the best of gifts

Like warmth, peace and happiness

In a short period of time 

You showed me what love really is

You leave me wanting nothing more

Than just wanting more of you

Its amazing how you manage to do it

Everyday you make me feel something new

If there were a reason to keep living

I’ve found a million in you

This is what you’ve done to me

And still you continue to do

After all that we've happily been through

Today I'm joyfully insane

We have set up a long life

In the wonderful love lane

The feelings around us is our home

Together where we laugh and play

We shall never leave this place

And yet shall return to it everyday

~ Soumya

An Eye for an Eye

A lot has been said, done, assumed and written of late. And if it is something that I wrote that is causing the problem, it only makes sense that I apologize. Like I said in this post, you put up something, be prepared to face the brunt of it. I never planned to run away anyway and I'm not the only one who put up something. Everything happens for a reason. Provocation they call it. I read something, I wrote about it. You read it and started talking. Its a vicious cycle, every spoken word. And every written word. And now that everyone wants to know what triggered such an ugly battle, I'm going to speak out exactly what's on my mind. 

Yes, Cal and I are related. And yet we fell in love. Its not like we had planned it to happen, or any other strategic move. Now that I hear that all of you have been following my blog closely I'm sure you would have read about the honest posts I've written. It just happened, without even us realizing it. You guys found out about it, because it happened. It sure wasn't a rumor and we indeed were seeing each other. But none of you asked us. Allegations were made about it being incest, gene problems were mentioned. But none to us. It was upsetting but we kept quiet as we were busy trying to figure out what exactly was happening between us. When we realized we were in love, we told our parents. They were fine with the decision. It later was told to the family. And then it all began.

Why her? Didn't he get anybody else? Her parents have not taught her anything. She is way too modern for the family. She's not pretty enough and what not. It came to us, we ignored. Then my aunt had to say that if they had found out about our relationship earlier, then they could have done something? What did you want to do? And for what? Such things, obviously hurt. Not only us, our parents too. Yet, we kept quiet. Then came the best thing ever. Another aunt informs my to be mother in law that I've had a very long past and she had seen some pictures of mine doing the rounds with another guy. Why? Am I not from the family? Don't we share the same blood? What about family respect then? What if Cal's mother had refused to get us married because of this piece of news? Now so much is being said, why wasn't it thought then? You are talking about a black mark on me regarding what happened recently. But the truth is that you had put the black mark on me long before Cal and I were even engaged.

Next was the engagement. My parents till date cry about the fact that no one came into my room to see me that day. I wonder too. It was very offensive and equally painful. Considering the fact that we all cousins grew up together and were so close knit, I expected a lot of fun and frolic on our big day. Most of them did not turn up even and nor did they call us to wish us later. For reasons best known to them everyone had out casted us. Rather me. Wasn't I your sister then? Or your niece? Didn't I come from the same bloodline? A lot of questions remained in my mind. And still do.

During the wedding not one of you all spoke to me. Not one. Some came and told the mandatory "Congrats". And some, not even that. Not one of you came to my room to see how I was doing? Was I able to handle it? Did I need any help? Nothing. When the pujari asked for the girl's brother to come on stage and perform a ritual, none of you were in sight. Just imagine the embarrassment I would have felt. It felt like a slap on the face and the emotions were only getting piled up. Still, everything was brushed away as it was a really tiring day for me to think much about anything. Then I started my new life at my husbands place. The newly weds are supposed to be invited to the close relatives house soon after the wedding. We got zero invitations. Our parents were hurt, we consoled them saying it was an age old ritual and that no one follows it now. Something about the lack of food was mentioned just two days after the wedding. Then it was about attention being given only to guys side of the family. Aren't you all a part of that family as well? The wedding was of two people whom you all have seen growing up. Where did all that emotions go? The frustrations in us kept piling up and seeing our parents getting hurt and upset over this, only added salt to the injury. Its not an easy feeling to bear.

The cork opener came in the form of a Facebook status by my brother in law. This is what he had to say.

"The term wedding reception implies that the newly married couple receives the relatives and friends for the first time as a couple. Some think that it is the perfect opportunity to pose for pics and show some arrogance and attitude for reasons known only to them! When the family too does not bother about hospitality and follows the same route, then it definitely is a matter of poor culture and values!"

My cousin sister(his wife) promptly goes and likes the status followed by more likes from our cousins. This happened on March 26th, just four days after my wedding and a month before I put up my controversial post. He managed to get away with it, but I was penalized. Fine. I take it in my stride.

A lot had been said about Cal and me already. But when our family values, culture and parents came into scene in such a demeaning way, I decided why can't I do the same. The Facebook post was followed by a string of comments calling our wedding a formality, about us having no culture, class and values in our blood, studying just for the sake of a certificate etc etc. When a thirty five year old could do it on a public platform such as Facebook, why couldn't I do on another online platform, and that too on my personal space. The anger and frustrations inside me all came pouring out in the most horrible way possible. And there was a year and a half worth of emotions piled up. You trash my family, I trash yours. You talk about my past, I talk about yours. You complain about my family members, I do the same. There was no reasoning, the pent up poison came flowing out. It wasn't right. I agree. I probably should have channeled my anger in a better way and ignored the trash being spoken. Yes, its my fault. I over reacted. I should have just ignored just like I did all these years.

It was a brilliant provocation and I fell prey. My biggest mistake ever.

I'm the youngest one in the family and I sure had no right talking about my elders like this. I wasn't brought up like this and nor will I bring up my kids this way. I apologise to all my family members who I dragged into the post. The words mentioned cannot be taken back but there is nothing in my mind regarding any of it. It was an impulse and a very unnecessary one at it. The past kept playing in my mind and I kept writing it. I shouldn't have. Sincere apologies and I'm not carrying any grudge in my mind. 

To my cousin and his wife: There was no need for us to drag you guys into this. We're sorry.

To my aunts: When today I'm married to man who loves me the most I don't see why I should even complain about what all you said about me in the past. Its forgotten now and we apologise to you with all our heart for the harsh words used. 

To Cal's uncle: We seriously don't know how you got connected to this thread. We don't even know what was the connection you felt. You are Cal's immediate family, the person who lifted him on your shoulders for the garlanding ceremony. There is no way on earth we would write anything bad about you.

To Cal's aunt and mother like figure: We swear to God there was nothing addressed to you in the post. We were so glad that you managed to come to Bangalore just for about 10 hours to attend the wedding and head back. And you were the only one who came into my room and checked on me both during the engagement and the wedding. Cal holds you in such high regard, what made you think that he would let me write nonsense about you? Probably the fact that it was mentioned in the same flow as the others, triggered something. We were actually talking about a colleague who came in baring her back and her belly. If you don't believe us, we'll send you the snaps of the lady mentioned.

They say an eye for an eye turns the whole world blind. My impulse created such ugly scenes within the family that I feel so let down by myself. And the fact that my husband was involved too doesn't make it any better. We both got married so that we could support each other and correct the other when one was wrong. Its just been two months and we already have failed at it. Not at all right. Today, we make a promise to you all that we shall set things right. We shall tread life carefully and sensibly and live life the way it should be lived and make you all proud. We won't trouble or cause harm to any of you henceforth. This was the last time ever and something as childish as this shall never be done again. 

We hope that you all forgive us and don't hold onto this as a grudge. As its not only about us husband and wife, but it is about our parents as well which in turn is all a part of the same family. 

The same bloodline.

~ Soumya

The Honest Post - Phase 3

Read phase-1 here / Read phase-2 here

'A walk to remember' - The book remained in my hand as I reached Accra in Ghana for my project assignment. Close to ten hours on a flight might seem long, but not when you are occupied with thoughts. And I was. In Cal's thoughts. As so was the situation when I was standing at the immigration counter waiting for my turn. Balancing the book and my passport in one hand, I pulled out my phone from my pocket and switched it on. Soon after, Cal called. Ah, that was probably the widest my smile could ever get. He said, he missed me. I told him I missed him too. Then out of the blue he suddenly asks me, "What do you think is happening?". "I don't know", I said. Then he says, "But, I'm loving it". My smile got wider. "Me too", I said. I could almost hear him smile at the other end.

It was my turn and after getting my passport stamped I walked out to an unknown country which was going to be my home for the next 30 days. I was picked up from the airport and dropped to my hotel. I was given a fabulous room, facing the pool and I settled my luggage down. Ideally the best thing for me to do would have been to freshen up and sleep, but I had a call to make. Obviously! Yes, I was on international roaming but that was the last thing on my mind. I bought myself a local sim a couple of days later but until then Bharti Airtel it was. He kept extending his credit limit and I kept receiving the calls. We both together paid a phone bill of sixty thousand to Airtel that month. Till date, we don't regret it.

Ghana is in the GMT time zone, which means that I was a good five and a half hours behind Cal's time. By the time he woke me up in the morning, half his day was over. Since I was there to render trainings to the client I could barely use my phone at work. I would come back to an empty hotel room every single night. Yes, it is as depressing as it sounds. But Cal did not let me get into that mode. 9 pm for me. 2.30 am for him. My phone would promptly ring everyday that time. He would wait until I freshen up, cook my dinner and eat. Then he would sing me to sleep and wait up until I would just doze off with a sleepy bye. Even if I accomplished all this in an hour, it would be 3.30 am for him. Yet, he would wake up everyday at 7 am and head to work. Later, he would call to wake me up. This happened non-stop for the next 30 days. He, was the only reason why I did not feel homesick in a strange continent. And this was just one of the reasons why I fell in love with him.

The most painful thing was that I could see him, but he couldn't see me. My work laptop did not have a webcam and I was unable to find one there too. So, when we skyped I could see his pale face and he could only hear me. His internet modem was not stable and every two minutes the call would get cut. I waited. He called back. This happened atleast 20 times during an hour. But neither of us gave up. This, till date remains one of the things that taught us immense patience, something which we both lacked. Funny thing was that we lost our patience with the world, but not with each other. If I was seething, he'd cool down and placate me and vice versa. They say distance makes the heart grow fonder, it did. But it sure is frustrating. Somehow the days passed and soon I was just a day away from my return. After another grueling 15 hours of flight, I landed in Bangalore. My phone rang, while I was still seated in the plane. "I'm here, come soon", he said. 

After hurriedly collecting my bags, I made my way out of the terminal and walked out. There were hordes of people waiting for someone or the other. Amongst all of them I saw a beaming face. Cal's smile was so bright that it was almost impossible to miss him in that crowd. He came running towards me. I left my trolley mid way and walked towards him. Yes, it was like a movie scene. A very common one at that. But to us, it meant walking towards to a common destination. To be together. All my tiredness vanished the minute he hugged me tight. This was December 23rd, 2011. (Yes, I'm excellent at remembering dates.)

We spent the new year's eve together. It was beautiful. We spoke, drank and danced away to glory. It was just the two of us, but it was the best party I've ever been to. He laughed when I told him that he can't dance. I laughed when he told me that I'm so much of a tom boy. Whatever it was, we were so comfortable with each other that everything else seemed so trivial at that point of time. And by trivial I mean the fact that we were actually related. We did discuss it once, and brushed it away with ease. We were concentrating on what was happening, rather than on what could happen later. Nothing was said, we just held our hands together and welcomed 2012 with a big smile on our faces. It was the beginning of a new year. 

And we both knew that "it" had begun.

To be continued.

~ Soumya

Magic Unfolds

Here we go guys. As promised, here is a glimpse of my big day!

 All dressed up. I couldn't recognize myself.

After the garlanding ceremony. Man, those garlands are super heavy :|

Cal walks his bride to the swing/oonjal. Oonjal is an Iyer custom where the bride and groom sit on a swing and women walk around warding them from all evil.

And he promised to hold my hand for life :) 

The Iyer bride costume. Another case of non-identification :D

His usual self, Cal had to crack jokes just before the moment.

The moment. Beautifully captured.

Mangalya thantunanena mama jeevana hethunaa

Kante badhnaami subhage tvam jeeva saradah satham

Burn, evil doers. Burn in hell.

Yeah, I'm a drama queen too.

Toe Rings. God bless you, dear husband :)

The custom where you go see a star called Arundati. All we could see was a mobile signal tower. And a crow.

The wedding venue. Cal and I supervised the decoration.

After the grihapravesh into his house, we had to come back to the venue for the reception. We were just relieved here that most of the day is over.

My reception look. Can kinda recognize myself here.

It sure was a pose. But the feelings were genuine. 

Flashlights. 

The great Spiff master and Raj cheta.

My parents and my sister.

My new family. 

The reception stage. Yes, we did have live streaming too :P

~ Soumya

The Wedding Drama

Yes I'm married. I.am.married. Man, it does take quite a while for the feeling to sink in. Its been a month since the wedding and it still hasn't for me. Its very normal and takes some time, says the newly married expert Spiff master, who was sweet enough to come to Bangalore from Chennai for the wedding. Raj cheta from Fuck Love made it too. It was so much fun meeting them, although couldn't spend much time with them as Cal and me were totally confined to the stage. Phatichar guruji came to bless us too, but all I could speak to him was a lame 'Thank you'. Sorry Sri, we surely will catch up and speak at leisure soon.

I had a big fat Brahmin Iyer wedding. With about 3000 guests, there was hardly any time to breathe. The whole day went in a flash and Cal and me only realized what all we were made to do, when we saw the video and the pictures (which I shall post here soon). By the time the day ended, we both were drop dead exhausted. Inspite of all the rush and the chaos, March 22nd shall remain the most beautiful and the most important day of my life. I married the man I love in front of all the people who matter to me (and some of those who don't). I mean, its hard enough to find love in this world and getting your parents to agree and set up the wedding is a different ball game altogether. Everything was a cakewalk for us and our parents gave us the dream wedding we both wanted. 

Our friends came from every nook and corner of the country to witness our big day. My best friend Priya and my maternal cousins stood by my side obliging to every word that came out of my mouth. "I need a hair clip, my hair's slipping", "My bindi dropped, find me another. Quick!", "I'm thirsty, get me some water", "Tissue!!" etc etc. They calmly put up with everything and supported me through out the entire 17 odd hours. I don't know what I would have done without them. Thank you my lovelies. And then there was Cal, asking if I was alright every second. He stood like a rock by my side and helped me sail through the day. No wonder I married that guy. He is simply awesome! 

When "the" moment arrived and Cal had to tie the 'thali' on my neck, everything went blur, and the past year slide show started. Those two minutes were the happiest minutes of my life. I don't know if it was the nadaswaram music or my emotions, but my eyes welled up. Cal and me were looking into each others eyes (this has come out as a brilliant pic) feeling the exact same thing. I wanted to cry out loud, I till date don't know why. Priya apparently cried at the same moment. See, that's what best friends are for. My stomach was churning, heart beating faster, emotions gushing, eyes welling.... it was all a mix. And to say it was only two minutes? Felt like a life time to me. I had to kiss Cal's arm and hold it there to prevent myself from releasing the happy tears. It was amazing. Hypnotic. Pure. Magical. 

It was love.

It sure was a lavish wedding and we have only our parents to thank for it. Cal and me monitored every single detail and our parents quietly paid up for everything we asked.The gifts were another comedy in itself and that story shall find its way in a different post. The best gift ever came all the way from Mumbai from my friend, Stranger! He sent me the entire Calvin & Hobbes collection. WOW! Talk about an apt gift. Thanks a ton, you are a sweetheart.

Our wedding triggered a lot of feelings. Primarily jealousy for others, relief for us. Every thing went perfectly without any glitch and we received wonderful feedback from all the people who mattered to us. "We actually got married. Can you believe it?", this was what Cal kept asking me throughout the day and we are still not able to believe it. Marriage has not changed anything for us. I still feel like a girlfriend and not like a wife. He still is the annoying, cute, little boyfriend and not a husband. We go out for a date every single day. No matter how hectic the day is, or no matter how tired we are. And this is how we shall be for the rest of our lives. That's for sure. You see, falling in love is not important. Staying in love is.

P.S: The Honest Posts shall keep coming, but not in a sequence. Like I said, they are phases not parts. As and when I find the words worthy of a phase, I shall post them.

~ Soumya

The Honest Post - Phase 2

Read Phase 1 here

Came October and the most inevitable happened. My current relationship came tumbling down and I was single again. No matter how meaningless the relationship, a heart break is always a heartbreak. The first person I called after this happened was Cal. And he being his true self cheered me up. No, he did not do the usual 'chance pe dance' and try to woo me. Nor did I use him as a shoulder to cry on. I was over the relationship in like four hours, because nothing about it seemed right and I somehow looked forward to being single again. See, moping over something that's over is an individual choice. I did once for three years. Never again. Go ahead, feel free to judge me.

Not being tied to someone else gave me ample free time. Like I said before that I'm not a home body, I seek solace outside. There was someone else doing the same then. Yes, Mister Cal himself. Both of us have been crazily independent and have only turned towards our friends for comfort. So, at this juncture we found ourselves facing each other. Our occasional meetings then turned into an everyday necessity. Initially we started meeting up every weekend, then started the weekdays. Both of us used to finish work and head towards 'Airlines Hotel' diligently. We sat there and spoke new topics every day. Nobody tried to impress the other, but we sure were surprising each other everyday with our ability to hold on to a meaningful conversation. The feelings were obvious, but I ignored it from my end. I felt it was too soon to get into another relationship especially when I did not want to be in one. Even if he had something in mind, he didn't make it obvious.

By November 2011, my travel was announced. I was to leave by the end of the month and be away for another month. It was a rainy day when my dates got confirmed. The only person I informed was Cal. I don't know what happened to him, but he had a sudden urge to see me then. And for some strange reason I too wanted to be with him. I don't know, travel anxiety or whatever. But the damned rain. It just wouldn't stop. A little drizzle would have been easy to bear, but this was almost a torrent. But he called and asked me to wait in Barista. That was my plan anyway. I sat there waiting for him, feeling a million feelings within me. It was not more than 10 minutes, when he arrived. He was wearing track pants and was soaking wet from top to bottom. He stays 20 kms away from the place mentioned mind you. That relief in each others face when we saw the other cannot be explained. He first frowned at my yellow shoes and then hugged me tight. My nerves finally calmed down and now coming to think of it, I feel that I've never ever been assured, like I was that day. He seemed to be really happy for me and I myself was thrilled too about my first ever international travel. The thought of not seeing each other for about a month hit us both, but neither of us said anything. That day was just about me. He let it be like that.

A couple of weeks before the travel we went to RASA again to celebrate. That night too stretched into an airport night. It was 11-11-11. And just like the date, it was special. All we did that night was talk and sip on coffee. And then he asks me, "What the hell am I supposed to do when you're not here"? I did not answer, only because I was thinking of the same question inside my head. Day broke and we went back to our houses to get some much required sleep. By evening, we were back together again. Not once did we feel it to be strenuous or stressful. It was something we both wanted to do and surprisingly our bodies held strong. It was a good feeling. By the time my travel dates approached, we both had established that it would be extremely difficult for us to survive without each other. That was when Cal started his now famous "Don't go" cry. It was the cutest thing in the world. And equally painful. Again, not once did we question as to what was happening. We did not feel the need to.

Finally the dreaded day arrived. The same day he had a close relative's engagement to attend and I had to leave for the airport by 7 pm. I only got my passport in hand by 4 pm and I was still at work then. Cal got done with the engagement and rushed to my office. It was 5 by then and we had only an hour to go. I had to finish my last minute packing and getting ready, so I had allocated an hour for it. Meeting him then was one of the most difficult things I've ever done in my life. There was a tear in his eye as he said goodbye. Why did he not drop me to the airport you ask? Well, it was my first travel outside the country and my parents and sister were coming to drop me off. They did not know about him, so he had to stay away. So that was all we had, an odd 50 minutes. It was then that he gave me 'A walk to Remember' to read on the flight. Yes, the first gift and something that I would treasure for the rest of my life. He dropped me home soon after and I bade goodbye with a sinking feeling in my stomach.

I reached the airport, bade goodbye to my sobbing parents and finished my check in. As I sat waiting to board, I called Cal. 10.30 pm. I reached Mumbai by 11.40 pm and my flight to Dubai was only at 4.20 am. Guess who was on call with me throughout the entire wait. I asked him to go to sleep, he said no. When it was time for me to board, he made me promise him that I would call from Dubai. But I wanted him to get some good sleep as he had to go to work the next day. But he wouldn't budge. Reluctantly I made the promise and boarded the flight. As soon as I reached Dubai I called him. 6.45 am his time. Sleepily he answered the phone. I had only about 20 minutes to board my next connecting flight. I sat right in front of the boarding gate talking to him until the last and final call to board was made. After a dozen miss yous from both ends I finally switched my phone off and boarded the plane. Throughout the entire 9 and a half hour journey I had only one thing in my mind. And one thing held tight in my hand.

A walk to remember.

To be continued.

~ Soumya

The Honest Post - Phase 1

Yes, you read it right. I meant phase-1 not part-1. Because honesty in my life doesn't come in parts that would one day have a concluding part. For me honesty is a regular part of life and it remains. What I'm writing here are the phases of my life over the past two years or so. This for me would be easy to write, as I just have to write what I lived. Fiction in that way takes time. Even though I'm blessed with a good imagination it takes time for me to make up situations and characters. True life is simple and easy. What you went through is what you write. No making up or hiding flaws here. The best thing about being honest is that you don't have to remember anything. Its all out there. I never wanted to put out my love story here, and definitely not something titled like this but now I think the time is right and I need to lay some speculations to rest. For the first and last time.

Cal and I have known each other from the past 26 years, i.e all of my life. By known I mean, we were aware that each other existed. We unfortunately share a side of an unfortunate family. His maternal and my paternal. We never did meet when we were kids, except for an occasion or two here and there. We did not meet during our growing up years as well. The earliest I remember seeing him was at a wedding in March 2011. I was hungover from the previous night's party and he was simply bored. We just exchanged nods and that was it. Apparently there was another person in the room cat-eyeing him from top to bottom. And he being the charmer he is, ignored politely.

I did not see him after that and we just went back to being non-existent to each other. He was busy experimenting with his professional life and I was seeing someone else. We were content with where we were. A Facebook chat changed the equation. One random night as we chatted casually, he told me about the romantic play he was directing at Rangashankara. I was surprised impressed. And me being a sucker for romance, told him I'd like to see it. He then took my number promising to call me the next day regarding the tickets. So that's how Cal got my number. Any other person in his place would have probably got the finger, but Cal's interest towards art and theatre struck a chord within me.

Now that he had my number, there was an occasional chat or a message. Mainly related to work, art or music. I still remember the day he sent me a message asking me to check out the title track of 'Tum Mile'. I already had and told him that I loved that song. That was the first common thing we shared. I then told him about 'Stereo Love'. He loved it. He then told me about 'Stereo Hearts'. I loved it. You get the drift right?

Next on another random chat he told me that he was reading Erich Segal's 'Love Story'. I told him how I hated that book (Oh people, please don't get judgemental now. We all have opinions. On that note, I also hated 'The Alchemist'). We started talking about books, discussed the genius of Jeffery Archer and he then told me about a book called 'A walk to remember'. More on that later. I figured that he was well learnt and an extrovert like me who took their time to open up and once done would never shut up. It then felt nice to have someone to talk to about these things. So, each time either of us read a new book or chanced upon a new song, we would inform the other. That became a routine we started looking forward to.

Neither of us made a move. He was aware that there was someone else in my life and he was not a "relationship" type of guy anyway. We had become really close friends by then and respected the other immensely. All this was only on phone, mind you. The next time he met me, was as my saviour. I was sitting in a coffee shop with a friend who was boring the crap outa me with his "I love you unconditionally" tales. That was a time when I got a "Hey, wassup?" message from Cal. I told him the sticky situation I was in and he promised to come bail me out in 30 minutes. It was a weekend and I was wondering why this guy was doing this for me when he could be out there drinking with his buddies. He reached the spot in 20 minutes and I heaved a sigh of relief when I saw him. After small talk, the friend left. Cal then turns to me and asks, "So, how do you even know such constipated idiots?" That was the first time I laughed that day. We went to Lakeview later and he gorged on a bowl full of chocolate ice cream. I was looking at the child in him as he licked his bowl clean while I nibbled on my lamb burger. He dropped me home and called me later to say that he had reached home. This was in April 2011.

The next three months went by the same way. Random messages and occasional calls. In August, he called to wish me on my birthday and asked me for a treat. I agreed and we met again. RASA, the place that has seen each and every memory of mine. We sat there for straight five hours talking and drinking Old Monk, our favorite. Neither of us judged the other. I had never opened up to anyone so much over my lifetime, let alone in a day. He spoke about his past and all his thoughts. Another primary common trait was established that day. FEAR OF COMMITMENT. Both of us spoke about how we ran away from commitment and relationships. He too had had a fair share of affairs in the past and just like me he feared the same thing. We did speak about my current affair, and he did not comment any thing about. He said as long as I was happy, nothing else matters. The bar closed, but our conversations never stopped. On our way down the building I tripped and fell down the stairs. He held my hand and helped me up. I was surprised when he didn't laugh at me, and I strangely did not even feel embarrassed. We took a small walk in the middle of the night and sat down in front of a store and continued our conversation. An hour later, he dropped me home.

The next day, he calls me and asks "So, how's the bum? Shall I come over and take you to a doctor?" regarding the fall I had the previous night. It was so cute, I started laughing loud. A week later, I was sick and was on leave. Since I'm just not a home body, I was extremely bored at home and wanted to get out. I called him and asked him if he could get out of work early. The next thing I knew he was waiting for me near Barista in about an hour munching on a samosa. I shall never forget that sight till date. He then fed me a bite asking me to taste it. We had an awesome conversation later, ranging from books to friends, from movies to food, from business to hobbies and more. That day we realized how soon time passed, when we were together.

Came September and soon it was his birthday and like a routine the treat followed. Same place, same us and lot of new talk. We discussed a lot about the family we shared and both of us began pouring out secrets to each other. It felt so strange and nice. Again as usual, the bar closed but we still had a lot to talk. We decided to not go back home and take a drive to the airport instead. We spent the whole night sitting in Coffee Day talking and talking and talking. We did not even notice the sun come up. On our way back we realised that we had spent about 12 hours together, just talking. We both did not know what was happening, but it felt beautiful and right. It was that day that the first glimpse of something came into both our minds.

To be Continued.

~ Soumya

Love Heals: My entry for the Get Published contest

The Idea: More often than not, love has been termed as a psychological disorder. They say it curdles the mind and bridges the gap between the brain and the heart and slowly the heart takes over. But what happens when a person who is known to understand emotions and to excise control over them starts losing control? Would they give up all that they believed in? 

What Makes This Story 'Real': This story deals with the most important question. "How does love happen.” It’s very easy to say that "I just fell in love". But what factors are responsible for the heart to skip a beat? What makes you willing to give up anything for one person? This story addresses these real life issues. 

Excerpt: Dr. Sharma looked at the clock on the adjacent wall. It said five minutes to six 'o' clock. It was a Saturday. From the past two months Dr.Sharma has been looking forward to Saturdays. It was a day when she could rest after her routine of appointments that would end at five. It was the day when her 'special' patient Armaan came to visit her. Armaan, who had not meant anything to her a while ago, but now he had become the center of her living. She was slowly falling in love with a troubled man and she knew that he was healing her more than she was healing him.

Armaan was frustrated at work. In an hour, he had an appointment with his psychiatrist. He had been battling depression for more than a year now and after severe cajoling and nagging from his wife, he had agreed to see a shrink. To his surprise he seemed to enjoy it and started feeling better right from day one. Dr. Ananya Sharma was one of the leading psychiatrists in the city and he was glad when she accepted him as a patient and as a case study. Armaan loved his wife immensely, but there was something about the doctor he was attracted to. As much as he brushed away the thought, he would keep coming back to it.

This is my entry for the HarperCollins–IndiBlogger Get Published contest, which is run with inputs from Yashodhara Lal and HarperCollins India.

P.S: Please go here and click on the heart to like this post. Please help me get published :)

~ Soumya

Lock & Key

I cannot explain what I feel inside

When the thought of you begins

Its a scary thought that my lyrics might not do justice

To your symphony that my heart now sings

Love would be too small a word

For this powerful emotion that I feel

It is now spread all over me

Nurturing everything and ready to heal

I had built walls all around me

Anger was then my super power

I'm so glad you unlocked my heart

In the barren field then bloomed a flower

You held my hand through each day

Letting me be the crazy me

Not once complaining about anything

Together we then became the crazy we

Each day still feels like the first

Every moment I can feel the butterflies

If there is heaven, its right here

In your arms, all perfect and nice

From strangers we became friends,

Not once realizing where we have come

Love seemed to be the obvious next move

There was nothing else that we could become

The little silly things that we share

From our loud laughs to our flushed smile

It did take a long time for this perfection

But when it came, it made the wait seem worthwhile

This was not our first attempt at love

But you showed me why it didn't work out with anyone else

We were meant to reach the destination together

And not to be stuck to our incomplete self

You are solely responsible

For introducing me to happiness

Its only been a year of being together

But forever we shall revel in this madness

~ Soumya

Role Play - Concluding Part

Role Play - Part 1 / Role Play - Part 2 / Role Play - Part 3

Subash dada put back the spotlight on the tub. The AD's camera screen now showed a lifeless naked body in the tub. Satisfied he looked at Atif and smiled.

"Cut!" Atif yelled loud.

Everyone reacted and started doing their chores, but Vishwas stood right beside the tub looking at Sania's pale body. Sweat was tricking down his face and he stood shivering staring at the limp body. It was obvious that Subash dada and the AD were involved in Atif's idea, as they did not even bother to check on Sania. They just left the set to take a break.

Atif sat on his chair with a smile. He had avenged his insult. He slowly got up from his chair and walked towards Vishwas. He held his shoulders and shook him.

"Vishwas, listen. Vishwas. It is okay. Relax, its over. You did good. Great." Atif said looking into his bloodshot eyes.

Vishwas finally stirred. "Ehhh? Its over right? I almost thought she'd pull me into the tub." He said still sounding scared.

Atif hugged him tight. "That was an awesome job my boy. You shall play the lead in my next movie too."

This was enough to get Vishwas back to normal. He smiled and wiped the sweat of his face with the arms of his shirt. Atif put his arms around his shoulder and moved him away from the tub.

"Come, lets go for a smoke." He said happily.

"Sure Sir, but....." Vishwas pointed towards the tub.

"Later. Its not like she's going to die right." He said and laughed aloud.

Vishwas joined in. He felt sadistic joy in doing so. Who cares, he got what he wanted anyway. Another movie with Atif. He was a pleased man.

"We also need to inform Anya that the movie is all hers now. She's an awesome girl." Atif sighed.

Vishwas was surprised. "Her too?" He questioned with an open mouth.

"I didn't ask for it. She came to me two months ago. The next morning she asked me for a role, I said I did not have a script yet. She left angrily but came to me every week to remind me that she's still available for any role." Atif explained in pride.

"Then why did you choose Sania?" Vishwas was confused.

"Sania is a better actress. Simple. If only Sania had been like Anya outside set, she'd still be here. I even would have got her an award. I know about five members in the jury this year. But sadly for her, it was not meant to be. I have established so many stars, she won't be one among them." He said in a hurry to head out.

"But word is out that Sania is in the movie. She already is a small time actress. And more over Anya just looks like Sania and that too not exactly, I know the difference." Vishwas said.

"Vishwas, just relax. Your part is done. With a little makeup Anya can easily become Sania. Nobody will notice. Sania will go missing after the movie, and Anya will continue to my next movie, where we shall "launch" her." Atif said quoting in the air.

"Why can't you tell the media that it was an accident and you just had to replace her?" Vishwas was more curious now.

"Idiot! Its not of your business. Just do as you are told. Who would work with a team where an actress was killed accidentally? Use your brain. You got what you asked for right? So just forget all this." Atif was angry. 

"Sure Sir, you are the boss. Can we go for a smoke now?" He asked with a smile. He obviously was pleased with Atif and himself.

"Hahahaha." Atif laughed out loud and put his arm around Vishwas and they both headed out.

Both stopped in their tracks when they heard a loud splash. They turned around in unison. And then froze.

Sania was sitting up in the tub with a big smile on her face. She stoop up and kept smiling. Totally unaware of her nakedness, she looked at Atif and Vishwas.

"How was it?" She asked.

Vishwas was about to faint but Atif held him. His mind was racing quickly.

"Sania..... we were just going to get help. Are.... you..... okay?" He mumbled with shock.

"What happened to you guys? Can't you see me standing here? Of course I'm okay. I just realized that I could hold my breath for longer that what I thought." She said with pride.

Vishwas was standing up now still in a state of shock.

"But you were in there for more almost five minutes Sania. That's physically impossible." Vishwas said with wide eyes staring at her from top to bottom.

Suddenly aware, she jumped out of the tub, grabbed her robe from behind the tub and wrapped herself in it. She seemed perfectly fine.

Atif stared at her with his mouth wide open. A lot of things were playing in his mind.

Vishwas kept on mumbling. "Five minutes. Five minutes... It can't be, it can't be. Anya! You are Anya right?"

Sania looked confused. "Anya who?"

Atif did not know what to say. "No one. He said Sania, not Anya." He managed to blurt out.

Sania didn't react but approached Vishwas. "Oh poor you, Vishwas. I'm totally alright. I realised half way down the scene that you guys wanted to make it look natural. So I played along holding my breath. I just wanted to see for how long I could hold my breath so I continued. After the AD moved his camera away I even began breathing here and there. Of course you guys were too worried to notice the air bubbles then." She pulled Vishwas's cheek as she said this.

Atif's face shone suddenly and he managed a nervous laugh thanking God secretly that Sania's hadn't figured out the truth.

"Yeah yeah, I just wanted to extract the best out of you. See, I told you, you were talented." He came close to her and patted her back and gave Vishwas a stern look.

Vishwas read the look right. "Awesome work Sania, you definitely had us worried. Brilliant acting. Kudos to you Atif, for choosing her." He gave them both an appreciating smile.

Sania beamed with happiness. "Okay, let me go take a shower and get ready for the next scene. When would that be?" She questioned Atif.

"Take your time. Get fresh, eat and take some rest. I'll complete Vishwas's solo scenes until then. I'll send someone to call you." He couldn't wait to get rid of her.

"Great. All the best Vishwas." She waved a bye and walked out of the set back to her trailer.

Lalit saw her approaching and quickly stubbed his cigarette and rushed to open the door for her.

"Thanks Lalit bhai." She said with a smile.

The assistant was confused but didn't say anything. He guessed that, she had just shot a scene that might have involved alcohol. Shaking his head, he went to the chai wala who had just arrived on the set with his tea kettle and small packs of Marie and Glucose biscuits.

Sania sat slowly down on her couch. She was trembling. She knew that Atif had wanted to kill her, but she was not the one to let go so easily. She would be more cautious now. She would just finish her job and leave. 

Meanwhile Atif was having a tough time talking to Anya. She was threatening to sue him and he was only getting more and more angrier. Thankfully he hadn't told her the entire plan about the killing, else the lady would have straight headed to the cops, gaining the publicity she needed desperately. He promised her his next movie along with a few ads and she finally calmed down.

"See you tonight." She said and walked away.

Atif sighed. He walked towards Vishwas who was lighting one smoke after another. The shock was evident on his face and his shirt was soaked in sweat.

"You got another?" He signalled for a cigarette.

Vishwas handed him a pack from which he extracted one and promptly returned the pack. He lit it using his lighter and took a deep drag silently.

"What if she knows the truth? That we tried to kill her?" Vishwas broke the silence.

"She doesn't know it and you please stop talking about it. It did not work, let it be. Let she finish the movie and walk away. We just have to put up with her until then. No more wrong moves. We need to be very careful." Atif said with caution.

"Okay all forgotten." Vishwas tried to force a smile.

"Come, lets finish your scenes for the day. Then we can call her and finish her stuff too and pack up." Atif seemed in a hurry.

The shoot continued smoothly for the rest of the schedule. Sania maintained her distance from Atif and her only interactions with him were regarding the scenes and nothing else. Atif even stayed away from the trailer. Vishwas too showed promise in his role and Atif was glad he had chosen him for his next movie as well. Sania was also a great actress and he was proud that he had chosen her. If only she had been like the way he had imagined her to be, things would have been so different. The technicians were instructed to just finish their work and leave. No one was to interact with the main cast. They had been working with Atif for a long while now and knew the repercussions if they disobeyed him.

The schedule went on for two months and soon the last day of the shoot arrived. Atif was known to promote his films alone, without his cast. He gave interviews, attended socials dos and even made appearances on reality shows. But all alone. The cast was to interact with the media only after the release of the film. This was already mentioned in the contracts that his actors signed. After the shoot, he would never meet his cast. Exceptions were made only when he wanted some scenes to be reshot. Else, after the last day of the shoot, he would meet the cast only during the premiere of the movie. The premiere for this movie was to be held a month later. Since, this was the last day of the shoot, he had arranged for a small party on the set once the shoot was all packed up.

Sania, Vishwas, Atif, Subash dada, the AD, the spot boy, and about a ten more junior artistes were the only ones at the party which was held around an old wooden table filled with drinks and food. A half cut cake was lying in one corner of the table. Everyone seemed to enjoy and relax. Atif approached Sania.

"Excellent work Sania. Thanks for doing the film. I hope to work with you again sometime in the future." He said with a smile.

"Sure Sir, thank you for signing and trusting me with your film." Sania sounded genuinely thankful.

"Welcome." Atif said and walked towards Vishwas.

Sania saw them exchange a few words and a few laughs from the corner of her eye. She was glad all of this was coming to an end. She wanted to free herself from this as soon as possible.

After a final round of goodbyes, everyone left the venue and went back to their usual lives.

Vishwas had had way too many drinks and was finding it difficult to drive back home. He was too dazed to remember what had happened in the party. He was too dazed to see the truck approaching his car from ahead. Then suddenly, Vishwas remembered nothing.

Atif was now back at the studio with the AD. They were here to edit and process the film. Atif sat in the dark room with the remote in one hand and a note book in another. The AD whose name was Anwar sat next to him, waiting for the show to start on the projected screen. The beginning credits began to roll. The background score was exactly like how Atif had wanted it, he looked at Anwar and smiled. Anwar returned the smile back and pointed to the font on the credits. Atif frowned. That was not what he had decided on.

"You were right. I shouldn't have hired that college kid for this work. I need to get back to him now." He said and scribbled something in his notebook.

The movie started. The first scene was the bathroom scene where Sania gets killed. Rest of the movie was about how she comes back to haunt her killers and then the movie moves to the past to show how the characters had actually met and what had happened. Atif smiled to himself knowing for sure that he had another success in hand.

Sania now appeared on the screen in her white robe. She looked splendid. Atif felt something stirring inside. He suddenly wondered if he had messed up his chances with Sania himself. The scene then shifted to where Sania drops her robe. He stared at her body in awe. She was a flawless beauty. Stunning to say the least. He felt the need to see her in person again. He needed her, he felt the urge to be with her. He felt something deep within which was something more than just need. More than lust. He felt a weird connect with her. He mentally decided to mend ties with her and try to win her. This time the right way and for the right reason. In the next scene Sania gets in to the tub and starts splashing water all over. Atif smiled, he was falling in love with her. He knew it now.

Vishwas slowly entered the scene. The lighting was perfect. Then came the struggling. Atif shifted in his seat. The scene had meant to be something else altogether. He felt nervous. Anwar was sweating and his hands were shivering. Both knew that they had come very close to murder. The scene unfolded exactly the way it had been planned. It looked so natural that Atif wanted to go and pull her out of the tub. They saw the look of horror on her face, the helplessness in her body, her silent screams, her failing battle. Atif felt tears well up in his eyes. How could he have tried to kill such an innocent being? Today he was very glad that their plan had failed. He slowly patted Anwar's hand. The scene was now over. 

The movie then moved to the scene where Sania begins to haunt Vishwas. Vishwas had done his part brilliantly. But Sania was not in the scene. Atif stood up and went back to the beginning of the scene. It showed a flustered Vishwas hiding behind a bed and Sania was to appear and scare him. He remembered shooting the scene, but Sania was not in the frame. Instead there was only a pale black shadow. He forwarded the scene and went ahead. Still no sign of Sania anywhere, just the black shadow. He was confused. Wasn't the lighting right? He then moved towards the past scenes which showed the courtship of the two characters.

Atif stood in shock. The scene showed Vishwas sitting alone in a park and talking to someone next to him. Sania was just not in the frame. Just when he was about to move forward he heard her dialogue. He stopped. Vishwas spoke and Sania's voice replied. But she was not seen. He was angry now. The actress was present only in the first two scenes of the movie. How could that be possible? He turned back to talk to Anwar, the AD and ask him what was happening. His eyes popped open.

In Anwar's chair, now sat Sania, with gleaming eyes. She stood up to reveal the silk white robe she was wearing. With a seductive smile she came closer to Atif and dropped her robe.

~ Soumya